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Blonde Jokes

1.How do you measure a blonde's IQ?
With a tire guage!

2.Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

3.Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.

4.Why do blondes wear ponytails?
So people won't see the valve on their head.

5.Two blondes were walking around when they saw some tracks. One blonde says,
"They're moose tracks."
The other blonde says,"No, they're deer tracks."
"No, they're moose tracks!"
"Deer tracks!"
They kept arguing until the train ran them over.

6.A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, Santa Claus, and the Easter bunny were walking along when they saw $100. Who got the money?
The dumb blonde because the other three don't exist.
(See joke 168 for a slightly different punch line)

7.How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.

8.How can you tell blondes are so bias?
They keep going, "Buy us this," "Buy us that."

9.What's the difference between the following two sounds: A punctured balloon and a blonde with a hole in her head?

10.What sound does a blonde going through a flashing red light make?
Screech. Vrrmmm. Screech. Vrmmm.

11.Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
Instant intelligence!

12.Why don't blondes like the S.A.T.?
It's too difficult to spell.

13.Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
So they remember 'Toe Goes in First'

14.Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get all that water in the little package.

15.Why did the blonde stare at the carton of Orange Juice?
It said 'concentrate'

16.What's the first things blondes do in the morninng?
They go home!

17.What's a blonde's favorite saying?
'I don't know'

18.Why do blonde's wear shoulder pads?
To protect their head when saying 'I don't know' (This joke requires that special visual element)

19.What do you call a brunette and two blondes standing on a corner?
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks

20.What do a blonde reading a book and people in a silent movie have in common?
Their lips are moving but no sound is coming out!

21.Did you hear about the blonde who went hot air ballooning?
She stepped to close to the campfire! (C'mon, think about it...)

22.What do blondes and McDonald's have in common?
Over five billion served!

23.Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus

24.Did you hear about the blonde who was blind for ten years?
It was really sad. One morning she just forgot to open her eyes.

25.What do a blonde and a burnt out light bulb have in common?
One's just as bright as the other!

26.Why'd the blonde bury her driver's license?
Because it had expired!

27.How do you make a blonde laugh on Sunday?
You tell her a joke on Thursday!

28.What do you get when you cross a blonde with a brunette?
Artificial Intelligence!!!

29.How do you tell the difference between a smart blonde and a dumb blonde?
Wait a minute: I forgot. (This note only works if a blonde tells it)

30.How does a horny guy spell relief?

31.Do you hear about the blonde who woke up next to a guy in a baseball cap?
She looked around bewildered and asked, "Where's the rest of the team?"

32.What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

33.What does a blonde wear around her neck to attract men?
Her ankles.

34.Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her boyfriend's car?
She burned her mouth.

35.Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
More head-room.

36.How can you tell if a blonde has just been using a computer?
There's white-out on the screen!

37.What's the first thing a blonde/sorority girl does in the morning?
Introduce herself and walk home!

38.How do you get a blonde to be quiet?
Just say to her: "A penny for your thoughts."

39.Why'd the blonde faint?
She forgot to breathe.

40.Did you hear about the blonde who thought she discovered that she had a twin sister?
She didn't realize she was looking in a mirror.

41.Why don't blondes like audio-books?
There aren't any pictures.

42.Why don't blondes like to be wined and dined?
They don't like to listen to other people's problems.

43.What do members of a good basketball team playing a bad basketball team have in common with a roomful of men and a blonde?
Everybody scores!!!

44.Why didn't the blonde go in the building?
She heard it was four stories and she didn't like to read.

45.What's a blonde's mating call?
'I'm so drunk.'

46.How many blondes does it take to make a smart blonde?
It can't be done!

47.How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
Blow in her ear, if she's a real blonde she starts to float!

48.How do you keep a blonde entertained indefinitely?
Give her a 'Where's Waldo' book...

49.What's the first thing a blonde does when you pick her up for a date?
She heads for the backseat of your car!

50.What do you call a blonde with half a brain?